I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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