Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
