M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Church boner. Awkwardddd
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
