You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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