the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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