it was like fucking gandolphs beard
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
As shirtless as possible
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
