I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize