you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
