About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
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Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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