you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
