Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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