He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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