The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
