we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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