paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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