Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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