Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dignity is for republicans.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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