I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
