Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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