the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
