I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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