Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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