Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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