i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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