i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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