On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
