Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
