i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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