it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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