I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
