Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
this hospital has no fireball
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
