tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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