I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize