im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
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At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
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Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I had to cum in my sink.
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