I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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