I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
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You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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