Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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