I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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