She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
