How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
