you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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