doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
