my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
