I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
