Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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