We're like a lot better than the average bears
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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