I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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