So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is Oprah even human
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
