What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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