I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
