i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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