I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
