He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My ass is underappreciated
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Text me some of your sweat
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
