R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
