I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Randomize
