you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
