YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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