I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
