how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
3pm strippers are depressing
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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