I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
