i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
