Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
