I'm so fucking centered right now
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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