I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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