Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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