i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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